How to Handle Tough Behaviors by Neurodivergent Child Using Positive Techniques

Image by: Story Zangu

The Carters has a son, named Adam. He struggled with serious tantrums at home and school. He would lash out, scream, and refuse demands. With his behavior everyone felt defeated.

But then they discovered a positive twist. They used behavior charts, praise, and a breathing strategy before meltdowns hit. Within weeks, Adam’s outbursts dropped. He is calm, and the Carters found peace again.

Today, bedtime is smoother. They saw hope in everyday moments. This change came through positive reinforcement and coping tools. It was a real win for them and proof it works. rubyaba.com

Are you facing meltdowns, tantrums, and behaviors from your neurodivergent child that feels bigger than you? It could be exhausting. You love your child, and you want to help but you’re not sure how.

In this post, I will show you gentle, effective positive techniques that will transform your stress into calm. You will feel confident guiding your child to better behavior, without punishment or guilt.

How would it feel if your child asked for a break instead of shouting? Imagine bedtime arriving without tears or power struggles. Now picture yourself as the reason it all changed, using approachable, and respectful tools that truly work.

Tantrums and meltdowns drain your energy and your joy. They leave you feeling helpless and stuck.

You can reshape behavior using kind, research-backed strategies. No punishments. Just positive proven steps.

Your calm voice will work wonders. Your praise, and smile will help your child feel safe.

(from Carters’ story)

By using a simple chart, celebrating small wins, and teaching deep breaths, Adam went from daily outbursts to peaceful days.

Image by: Cardia Gong

Step‑by‑Step Guide to Handle Tough Behavior

• Spot and Praise the Behavior You Want: When your children use calm words or even slow their breathing, notice it right away. Say, “Great choice!” or “I love how you are using your words”. This type of instant feedback, called contingent praise, helps children understand what works.
• Use Tokens or Visual Charts: Each time your child shows the desired behavior, offer a sticker, token, or simple check mark. Visuals help track progress and build your child’s sense of success.
• Teach a Coping Skill: Show your child how to take deep breaths when upset. Practice together. After a few breaths, affirm them, “You’re doing great”. Over time, this becomes your child’s tool before frustration takes over.
• Skip Punishment and Stay Positively Focused: When an outburst happens, stay calm. Gently redirect: “Let us try your calming breath.” Avoid harsh reactions. Instead, reward their effort to reset. This teaches self-regulation, not fear.
• Focus on One Skill Each Week: Choose one goal to work on this week such as staying seated, using a calm voice, or waiting their turn. Practice it daily with praise, tokens, and coping strategies. Let it stick before moving on to the next.

Why This Works (and Why You Are Powerful)

Spotlight on strengths, not what went wrong, but what they did right. That builds self‑esteem.

Clear immediate feedback.

Your praise shows your child’s sweet success in action.

Empathy & structure.

Positive techniques offer both kindness and consistency, great for neurodivergent children with extra challenges.

You don’t need extra training. You can start tonight. This works at home, in class, and during errands.

Hear What Scientific Research Says About This

A 2004 review by Watling & Schwartz stated:

“When used appropriately, positive reinforcement can be extremely effective and developmentally appropriate for people of all ages and at all levels of development.” mckendree.edu

What This Means for You (the Hero Parent)

It’s science-backed, not just hopeful advice. Experts emphasize consistency, timing, and meaningful rewards.

Proven in real-world classrooms and thousands of homes with neurodivergent children and children with disabilities. Easy to apply immediately, no advanced training required.

Do you know of other techniques that have helped you handle tough behavior from a neurodivergent child? Share with us in the comments.