Photo by CDC

“It felt like the floor dropped out from under me.“

That’s how Meghan Herbert described the moment she got the autism diagnosis for her son, Owen when he was two. She knew something was different about him. Hearing it from the doctor hit her like a wave.

“I wanted to run out of that room and pretend it didn’t happen,” she said in an interview with Today Parents.

She didn’t run, but got up, walked out and started learning.

Source: “Autism diagnosis: Mom opens up about the moment she learned her son was on the spectrum” — Today.com

https://www.today.com/parents/mom-autism-diagnosis-son-t251695

If you’re reading this, you may be standing where Meghan once stood. You’re stunned, overwhelmed, and a little scared.

Find your calm, everything will be okay. You don’t have to figure it all out in one day.

You are your children’s greatest hero. You need to save and care for them in the journey ahead.

7 Things Every Parent Needs to Hear When a Diagnosis Changes Everything

Image from Peter Burdon

1. This Is Not Your Fault

Kindly permit me to say that again ‘this is not your fault’. It is not because of something you did or didn’t do. Neurodivergence is not a punishment. It is a different wiring. Your child is still whole, worthy, and deeply loved.

2. Grief Is Normal, So Is Joy

It is okay to cry, to feel sad, and even feel lost. You had dreams and expectations, but this diagnosis has changed the path you imagined.

Guess what?

There will also be laughter and surprises ahead, wins that will make you dance in your kitchen. Give yourself space for both.

3. You Are the Hero of Your Child’s Journey

Doctors, psychologists, educators, and therapists are your partners, yet you are the constant. You have the right to ask questions, say no, and to choose what is best for your child. Don’t be afraid to trust your gut. It is powerful.

4. Labels Don’t Limit Potential

A diagnosis is a tool, not a box.It opens the door to support, but it does not define the future. Your child can grow, thrive, and soar in ways you can not yet imagine.

5. Build a Village (Even If It’s Small at First)

No one should walk this journey alone. Find a support group. Talk to another parent. Start with just one connection because one can lead to many. Even online spaces like ‘The Mighty’, ‘Autism Speaks’, or Facebook groups can become lifelines. Sometimes, your greatest strength comes from knowing you are not alone.

6. Progress Is Not Always Linear

There will be great days. There will be days when nothing seems to work. That’s not failure; it is part of the rhythm. Celebrate the small steps. They matter more than you know. Over time, they become the milestones that shape the journey.

7. Your Love is the Best Therapy

You do not need a PhD or all the answers. You just need to show up. Read the story, ‘sing that song, and hold that little hand’. That is the power of healing, and it is more than enough.

This is What an Expert Has to Say

Dr. Rick Solomon is a developmental and behavioral pediatrician and founder of ‘The PLAY Project’, he explains:

“The most powerful therapy is a loving parent. What neurodivergent children really need is engagement, joy, and connection and that can start at home.”

Dr. Rick Solomon, in an interview with Autism Parenting Magazine, Issue 125 (2022).

As a parent, is there something you wish you had known when your child was first diagnosed? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Citations:

1. Herbert, Meghan. “Mom opens up about the moment she learned her son was on the spectrum.” Today.com.

https://www.today.com/parents/mom-autism-diagnosis-son-t251695

Solomon Rick. “The PLAY Project: Why Parent-Led Therapy Works.” Autism Parenting Magazine, Issue 125, 2022.

https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/the-play-project-therapy-autism/

In 2020, a mother named Teisha Glover shared a brave story. Her son Nicholas, then 16, wrote a book called ‘Davis Speaks: A Brother with Autism’. He shared what it is like to grow up with his brother Davis, who has autism https://sparkforautism.org

Nicholas said his world changed the day his brother arrived. He felt proud and protective. He also felt confused. At school, at friends’ houses, he never knew how to explain why Davis did things differently.

His mother helped, and encouraged Nicholas to write about his feelings. She talked to him openly. Eventually, Nicholas found his voice. He became an advocate. He became a hero for his brother and for himself.

If you’re raising a neurodivergent child and have neurotypical children, that story might sound familiar. You know the mix. The love, confusion, and the guilt feelings.

You ask yourself:

How do I help my neurotypical children support and truly understand their neurodivergent siblings?

Why Your Role Makes a Big Difference

Your neurotypical child isn’t just a bystander. They grow alongside. They learn empathy, and carry the family story forward.

Yet without help, they can feel lost. They worry, and feel unseen.

Your role is powerful. You’re the guide of your neurotypical children to understand and support their neurodivergent sibling. Your words in addition will shape their hearts and actions.

These are 4 Ways to Guide Your Neurotypical Children

• Tell the Story Together: Use tools like Davis Speaks. Read it together. Talk about how Nicholas felt proud, confused, and brave. Show your children that mixed feelings are okay.
• Give Age-Appropriate Info: Explain autism or Down syndrome clearly. Tell them what it means. Let them ask questions. This strategy builds trust and understanding. Emily Holl of the Sibling Support Project says honest info helps kids feel safe.
• Create One-on-One Time: Schedule special moments with each child. It could be 15 quiet minutes before bed, a walk, or a puzzle. These times show your neurotypical child, “You matter, and we are on this journey together.”
• Empower Their Role: You can give your neurotypical child small, age-appropriate responsibilities, like handing over items during therapy, or helping with simple routines. Praise their efforts and remind them that their support brings comfort, kindness, and connection to the family. Let them know they’re making a big difference by helping you.

What You Will See as a Change

Photo by Efe

Confident children who know their roles matter. They exhibit more empathy and understanding at school, home, and with friends. They develop stronger sibling bonds, built on respect and care.

When you do this, you’re not only helping two children but also you’re building a family that grows in empathy and strength.

Hear what a renowned therapist has to say

According to Dr. Stephanie Stoll, a well-respected child psychologist, siblings of children with special needs or neurodiversity often experience “mixed feelings of love, worry, and even resentment”, but can also develop compassion, patience, and loyalty when their emotions are supported and validated. http://birminghamparent.com

This blog highlights both the emotional challenges and growth opportunities for neurotypical children and neurodivergent siblings, and families. It reinforces why guiding them matters.

Let your neurotypical children know, being a sibling to a neurodivergent child means learning and growing together.

Special notes:

Neurodivergent refers to children whose brain functions differ from what is considered typical. This includes people with conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and other neurological differences.

Neurotypical describes children whose brain development and functioning are considered typical or standard in society.

Do you know of another way to guide a neurotypical child in supporting their neurodivergent sibling? Kindly share with us in the comment section.

You deserve more than just survival mode

Photo by Sora Shimazaki

Wendy is a devoted mother, she faced the daunting journey of raising her son, who was diagnosed with autism. Managing the complexities of therapies, educational systems, and societal misunderstandings, she often found herself questioning every decision.

One pivotal moment was when Wendy had to advocate for a change in her son’s therapist. She realized that consistency and understanding were crucial for his development. This decision, though was challenging, but it underscored the importance of trusting her instincts and prioritizing her child’s needs.

Throughout her journey, Wendy emphasized the significance of self-care. She understands that to support her son effectively, she needs to ensure her well-being. Her story is a piece of evidence of the resilience and the challenges that parents of autistic children face daily.

Source: Norooz Clinic – Raising a Child Who is Living With Autism: Wendy’s Story

It struck a nerve because when you’re raising a child with special needs, exhaustion isn’t just physical. It’s emotional, mental, quiet, and constant.

Let’s pause for a second and ask about something important.

How have you been coping?

If your cup is always empty, how can you pour it into your child?

This is for you. Not as a reminder of your strength. But as an invitation to care for yourself as well.

Why Your Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

You’ve probably heard the phrase,“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

But when your life revolves around therapies, appointments, IEP meetings, meltdowns, and long nights, self-care can feel like a luxury.

It’s not. It’s survival, restoration, and it’s how you keep going.

You are the hero parent, and the anchor in your child’s storm. Even anchors need maintenance.

These are Some Simple Self-Care Strategies That Work

• . Schedule 10-minute breathers.

Even just 10 minutes of stepping outside, deep breathing, or listening to your favorite song can reset your mind.

• Join a support circle

You don’t have to walk through this all by yourself. Virtual parent groups, Facebook communities, or local meetups can offer more than advice, they can offer you understanding and support.

• Ask for help without guilt

Tag in a friend, ask a neighbor. Or let your partner handle dinner. You’re not failing, you’re human.

• Sleep is sacred

You know sleep can be erratic. Even a few hours of rest can make a world of difference. Set boundaries, and let your body recover.

• Celebrate your wins, too

Your child’s progress matters, and so does yours. Did you stay calm during a meltdown? Did you advocate during an IEP? You’re growing, too.

You Are the Hero of This Story.

You’re a parent. You’re an educator, a therapist, a warrior, and a guide.

I don’t want you to forget, you’re a human being.

You deserve joy, rest, and to feel great again.

I want you to remember what Wendy discovered, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say, “I need care, too”.

Hear What a Clinical Psychologist and Researcher Has to Say.

Dr. Elisabeth Dykens, a Professor of Psychology and Human Development at Vanderbilt University, has extensively researched the stress experienced by parents of children with special needs.

In a 2019 conference presentation, she highlighted the critical role of self-care in mitigating this stress. Dr. Dykens emphasized that neglecting self-care can lead to increased anxiety and depression among parents, underscoring the necessity of prioritizing personal well-being to effectively support their children.

Today, I encourage you to pause for a moment and take a deep breath. When you care for yourself, you show your children how to care for themselves someday, too.

Do you have any strategy different from the ones mentioned? Kindly share with us in the comment section, let’s learn together.